Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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