Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
