roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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