he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
