Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
