Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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