Cold hands, warm shart.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
