Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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