I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
