dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
