So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize