I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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