I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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