ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
