in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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