i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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