barbara walters just said penis...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
