You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
soo... how was my night?
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