I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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