she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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