Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
