Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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