I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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