theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
