So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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