I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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