he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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