she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
