Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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two words...techno handjob
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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