Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
