I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
