in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
