And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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