Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You left your phone here
Wait...
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