A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
