Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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