i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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