Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
