One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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