I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
