Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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