He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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