so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
