Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
