ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
