Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
