im drinking this country out of the recession.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
