dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
