i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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