I hope mine doesn't look like that
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
