so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
