and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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