I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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