im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
