so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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