if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize