Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
