I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize