you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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