His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
