i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
