Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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