pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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