i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
