what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
