i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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