hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
