i always forget guys have bellybuttons
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
