Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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