does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
