Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
