it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
