You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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