You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
