that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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