you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
