Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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