You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
