You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
