The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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