Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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