I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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