im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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