I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
