You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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